Even the most skilled empath needs a reminder now and then to stand in their power. When boundaries get blurred and emotions are stirred up, it’s only too easy to fall back into empath defaults like chronic over-giving and taking on stuff you really don’t have to. We may also tune into the stuff that goes on around us, get knocked into the ocean of emotion and forget to swim back to shore. Habits take time to break, so don’t be too hard on yourself! Here’s a check list for the times you get that uneasy feeling you’ve given your power away:
- You’re playing the blame game. “She’s making me feel…” “He’s driving me crazy…” No doubt, the people we live and work with can also frustrate us the most. But guess what? The world’s not going to quieten down and get more peaceful anytime soon, so we have to commit to finding that peace within ourselves. If you’re constantly blaming someone else for the strong emotions being stirred up in you, it’s time to evaluate 1. the situation 2. your response 3. whether you can do anything to change either, so instead of being the victim, you can be an empowered individual instead.
- Your emotions are being dominated by someone else’s emotions. One way to know this is when you have no clue how you’re really feeling, or haven’t checked in with yourself in a while. Your life is starting to revolve around how someone else is feeling or reacting, without giving a thought to what is best for YOU. Or you are making decisions based on how you think someone else will feel (without explicitly checking in with them). Sometimes what is best for you may make others feel uncomfortable. It is up to them how they respond to it. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, you have to learn to be okay with that.
- You care more about what someone else thinks than what you think. Is it decision-making time? A good rule of thumb is to practice checking in first with what you think and feel before seeking the opinion of anyone else. Does what your family, your friends, your acquaintances, your pets feel and think matter more than what you think? It’s not wrong to seek the opinions of others, but only do so knowing that you are the ultimate authority of your life.
- You’re trying to be like someone else. You’re looking at others and feeling envy or jealousy – and you forget that you have your own life path to walk. Remember that feelings of envy are often just your psyche’s way of reminding you that if you re-focused attention and energy back on to your own path, you will be able to shine as brightly as anyone else.
- You’re constantly comparing your life to someone else’s. And have forgotten that you have your very own, 100% original life to live. There is only one of you. You have your own special task, mission, talents, skills, beauty, laugh, smile… Don’t waste it wishing you were someone else doing something else.
- You’re micromanaging someone else’s life – and getting very invested in the outcome. Are you all up in someone else’s business, telling them what they should think, do, and behave? Red alert! You are now using your precious life force on someone else. Now, unless you are a life coach and you’re being paid for a service that you’re explicitly offering: It’s. Time. To. Back. Off.
- You feel like you’re not good enough. Feelings of inferiority or superiority are both products of your ego. (Your ego loves stories.) If you truly feel you’re not up to scratch, get grounded and do your research. Work on them. But know that any perceived shortcomings don’t define you. Your intrinsic value as a human being is never something that’s up for debate.
- You’re constantly hating on your life. Yep, sometimes we are caught in truly shitty circumstances. No sugar coating. But the moment we indulge in complaints, we forget that we are able to turn it around or find the lesson in the situation in order to work on improving it. Life isn’t random. Nothing is out to get you or trip you up for no reason. How different would your life be if you actually believe everything in the Universe is conspiring for you, at all times?
- You don’t believe you have any power. This could be a deep-seated one. If this is something that comes up consistently, then it’s time to really consider why you think the way you do. Dig deep. What has led to this belief?
- You’re not living in the present moment. Are you future tripping? Or have you been ruminating over the past incessantly? Our minds love to wander, and if you find yourself constantly lamenting over something that has happened (without the intention of understanding or finding emotional closure/healing), or imagining possibilities without the intention of acting on them – then you’re really indulging in fantasies. When you do this, you’re giving up the power you have at this very moment. Break the cycle. Your power is in the present moment.
The quickest way to get your bearings again is to get some alone time, and tune in to your intuition. Get into a meditation practice. Remember: no one can ever take your power away from you. Cultivating this belief is just like forming any other habit: it takes practice. Tune into your own thoughts and feelings before consulting anyone else – keep in mind that for sensitive people like us, it takes more time for our true opinions to surface because of how deeply we process basically everything. So give yourself that time and space. And before you know it, standing in your own power will be as natural as breathing.