In a weekly feature, Dana of Empath Rising will be sharing her views as well as practical tips on understanding and managing your sensitivity as an Empath.
Last week, I discussed how it’s only when an Empath falls in love with one’s SELF, will we be able to truly thrive in healthy relationships – considering what we are and the “fixer” role we easily fall into. In this post, I will cover some Practical Empath Relationship tips as well as my own experience in being in a relationship with another Evolving Empath. Here goes!
SOS! Forget Red Flags, if you see these behaviors, RUN!
I say this because – though this is a bold statement – as someone that spends a lot of time helping others to set healthy boundaries, these behaviors ALWAYS come into play in an unbalanced Empath who still needs to spend some time healing their self and coming to grips with the fact that they just can’t save everyone! I highly suggest that if someone you are interested in starts showing behaviors like these (if your intuition isn’t already begging you to run), that you just walk away. This doesn’t make you a bad person – this makes you an aware Empath that understands you are drawn to others that need Soul Healing. Oh, and just so I don’t come off as a flaming b*, I am not suggesting that these humans are not worth helping, I am suggesting they are not ready to be in a stable and long lasting relationship with an endless giver (that’d be you) – because they are never going to be satisfied with what you have to offer – because they are void in the self-love area of their own heart.
If you are with someone who boldly tells you who you are, how you are thinking, what you are feeling… Then YOU need to move along. You statements are projections – which are the insecurities someone “projects” onto another to make them feel bad for the behaviors they are probably exhibiting themselves! Basically anytime someone states a “You” statement, the truth of what they are saying can be found by changing the “You” to “I”. Here are a few examples:
You Statement: “YOU are so sensitive – just lighten up.”
Truth: “I am really sensitive and need to lighten up.”
You Statement: “YOU are acting so jealous – stop being so insecure.”
Truth: “I am really insecure and get really jealous of you with other people. I’m probably acting really inappropriate with others and know that if I act this way, I am afraid you are also.”
You Statement: “YOU are always acting so distrusting – there’s nothing for me to hide.”
Truth: “I have major trust issues, likely because I do a lot of shady shit and should not be trusted, so I am always suspicious of others’ intentions.”
If the person you are considering being with has an addiction in ANY way that they do not have control over, then you are walking into trouble. Remember, it’s not your job to fix or save them and yes, sometimes you need to let people destroy themselves. It’s not within your rights to force another human being to make the necessary changes they need in their own life. Yes, it’s sad – but in situations like this, one must become what I like to call the “compassionate asshole”. That’s when you feel for the human, what they are struggling with and what they have to endure to change – but it’s also just not your problem so, there’s that.
Yup, I cannot think of any other way to state this. If you are considering being with someone who FLOODS your texts, phone calls, social media, etc with over-affectionate, possessive messages and pays like, way too much attention to you – although this might seem adorable in the moment, it gets old REALLY quick. What starts out as “Love Bombing” in the beginning always turns into over-neediness and the expectation that you will (in return for their extreme initial efforts of flattering) be available to cater to the never ending needs of attention, affirmation and ego flattering. I am not going to go into details of the severe energetic consequence of being with a low vibing being like this – but if you are curious, do some research on energy vampires.
Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Here are a few healthy boundaries you should consider implementing for your romantic relationships. This applies whether you have been married for 20 years or are just getting into a new one. Keep in mind, having healthy boundaries does not make you stuck up or difficult and anyone that doesn’t respect your boundaries, guess what – well that just in and of itself crosses a boundary and they have to go!
Ensure open lines of communication – just because you are highly intuitive does not mean that you should be doing guesswork and anticipating the needs of others. Others need to be able to express their self openly and honestly with you because you need to know you can speak the same way to them. A lot will come up that you will need to articulate as an Empath and if you are with someone that doesn’t understand this in the beginning, they sure as hell aren’t going to change halfway through the relationship.
Be honest about your sensitivity – if you are with someone that isn’t as sensitive themselves, then I suggest seeing how willing the person is to have a philosophical conversation with you. If the mere suggestion of magical thinking and spirituality creates a closed-minded response, again, they have to go. You cannot pretend to be something you aren’t and trust me, there are others out there that are capable of having conversations that are mentally, emotionally and spiritually stimulating. Find one of those humans!
Express your self needs – yup, right up front. I literally remember going through a phase where I asked every man I went out with, “so, like, how needy are you?” I don’t recommend going about it in this way – but be aware of your “space/alone time” needs and find someone secure enough to understand them and accept them without wondering what type of crazy shit they think you are doing while you are really just escaping “life-ing” for a while!
Slow the fuck down! – yup, I said that too. It’s true. It’s so important. As Empaths we take ‘all or nothing’ to the EXTREME. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t fall as hard as you are going to… what I am saying is that, stop scaring people you are with! Others aren’t used to Empaths and the way love gets us acting like spazzes on the best high/adrenaline rush of our lives. Give others the chance to come into the way they feel without feeling forced to feel something too soon, which even if they did (and even if you know they do) it’s not your place to make them tell you or… for you to feel slighted because they aren’t ready to move in with you after 48 hours. Remember the “Needy B*” behavior I was discussing earlier? Yeah. Even though you really have actual real Love Bombs to drop, don’t be the needy one. Callllmmmmm down. Anything that you want to last forever, takes time to build!
Ok, so I did something whacked out here. I, being an extremely intense, complex, profound and hypersensitive Empath encompassing all of the Empath Clairsenses (which means experiencing the Empath Struggles from every angle and at an impact 1,00,000 times greater than most) – have decided to give you all an insight into what it’s been like to be in a romantic relationship with…. ME!
Yes, I asked my partner to answer a few questions about what his experience has been like dating me. I also asked myself the same questions. This is just so you can get a feel for what it’s like for two Empaths to date – one discovering their self and evolving into their gifts and one trying to maintain balance and helping guide others as a highly evolved Empath. Grab some popcorn – this might be entertaining!
To be continued in the next post, keep an eye out for it tomorrow!