Sensitivity

Empaths in Romantic Relationships Part 3 – Dana & Valery

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How is it like for two empaths to be in a romantic relationship? I’ve often wondered about it. My guess is that it’s either incredibly explosive and intense and the world just won’t be able to handle it or it’s just pure telepathic, mind-reading bliss all the time…. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Dana and Valery gives us some real insight into how it’s like. – xx, K


What do you feel is the difference between dating another empath vs non-sensitive?

Valery: The difference lies in the depth of understanding and perspective. A non-sensitive will have the same feelings, needs, wants, pleasures and desires as in human behaviors and characteristics. An empath will have a higher and deeper level of consciousness awareness. They see the world in a 360 perspective. For example, they love and feel all of the sentient life on the planet. They have respect for all of life and the Earth in which we live and play on. With an expansive awareness, they are more in tune with everything around them. In conclusion, the connectedness is on many levels.

Dana: As an Empath, dating another Sensitive is necessary. Not to say that for others it couldn’t work – but for me, I just have to be with someone that can “feel” me and understand without having to over-analyze the fuck out of me.  I’m complex, profoundly lost in my emotional depth, and the work I do with others, it has to be respected. Only another Empath can really understand how important to me what I do for other Empaths because they understand the struggle of being an Empath themselves.  And actually, I do not need someone to understand me – I need someone who understands that they will never understand me and that in and of itself is beautiful.  That’s just something that is fiercely difficult to get a non-sensitive to comprehend.

“The journey has us evolving into the best versions of ourselves.”

What do you appreciate most about being in a relationship with another empath – and how has it been beneficial?

Valery:  I appreciate the unconditional love, compassion and understanding that we have for one another and the world around us. We are always evolving together, helping by nurturing each other when one is going through a struggle. I appreciate the many commonalities that we have towards life as a whole.  Being with another Empath has led me to dive deeper into my true essence of self, constantly bettering both myself and the relationship. The journey has us evolving  into the best versions of ourselves.

Dana:  The depth of the connection we share on all levels, especially in our communication. It’s been so so so so hard for me to find someone that understands the amount of time I like to spend “away” from others – and also helping others.  I’ve certainly had a decent amount of relationships where the other person was not secure enough with their self and got whacked out when I would focus so much of my own time rebalancing and on others. Being with another Empath, he understands not only who I am but the proactive self care steps I have to take in consideration of “what” I am.  Though it seems like I am able to just blab on about anything rather freely – like most all other Empaths, I get lost in my own emotions sometimes and being with another Empath, he helps me by balancing me – sometimes that means not speaking at all and just providing a nice secure and safe hug, while I bawl my eyes out after working with someone that finally released an emotional or physical traumatic experience.

Does this make the relationship more challenging – do you feel like you have no privacy?

Valery:  No. Actually makes it better by having to strip yourself down of all walls, so that the true self comes out. Trying to hide or conceal anything in this relationship will not work. Any feeling of discomfort or struggle is noticed immediately and the best way to cure this is with communication and honesty. In doing so we stand in honor and integrity within our self and hold each one accountable to remain in alignment.  The most challenging part is working on yourself everyday in balancing, shifting and expanding. It is a constant evolution of the human self for the betterment of us as life partners.

Dana: I’m a pretty hard nut to crack when it comes to understanding my emotions. Working with others all the time that are struggling – believe it or not it’s really important that I remain “indifferent” when others are sharing and releasing their traumas with me, e.g. I have to be very careful not to validate others’ self shame by gasping when I hear the horrors of their past.  I am self aware enough to be able to process and be compassionate towards others’ emotional state of being, yet remain emotionally detached enough so that it does not affect me in the moment.

I have had to learn NOT to do this in our relationship. If I want him to be open and honest about his emotional state of being, I have to put my own walls down and show a much more emotionally expressive vulnerable side.  As an Empath that helps other Empaths, if I am being honest with myself I can admit that I have become very, very well adept at being indifferent and this works great for helping others discover their self – but it doesn’t work great in a romantic relationship.  So, Valery has seen a side of crazy that I have never wanted to show anyone previously – but as an Empath himself, he also understands how to remain indifferent when necessary and that insight he has into me that comes in through intuition and Clairsenses is actually beneficial to our endless evolution as human beings and as life partners.  Not having any privacy forces you to be truthful with yourself all the time.  It’s actually a very liberating way to live – completely FREE.

Do you feel like distance is necessary?

Valery:  Distance is not completely necessary but with us it happens to be so, because at the moment we are living separately 3 hours apart. In the early stages of us merging our two energies, we began to learn the process of how to dance in the dynamic. Two beings in connectedness means the distance matters not. We feel and sense what the other is in that moment. However, having space and alone time from the physical aspect to process and evolve internally has been necessary to benefit the both of us. With that, there is a polar opposite benefit where we desire to be in physical presence of one another to feel, hold, hug, kiss and just be.

Dana: I wouldn’t say necessary but – I feel better when there is initially a lot of space between us. Mostly because I don’t like hanging out that much and it gets hard to always be the one that is like “ummm, sorry, can’t, I’m just too busy decompressing the energetic sludge off of me.” I mean, eventually people fade away or think I’m doing something sketchy. I think space is a really important part of beginning a relationship between Empaths, if you cannot figure out how to remain connected when spatially apart – it’s likely you will combust when together as the magnetism needs to be controlled or it’s too overwhelming.  Also, you learn to appreciate each other on a Soular level – it’s easy to be physically connected but emotionally and spiritually takes time and effort.

“I have had to learn to detach myself from his struggles energetically while remaining patient and supportive.” – Dana

Do you feel it’s ‘easier’ or ‘requiring more effort’ to be in this relationship?

Valery:  It has become easier over time, after going through the initial hurdles of discovering the self and inner working when it is mirrored back to you. Great deal of effort and patience for myself and my partner is required. We both have recognized this and choose not to run immediately for the hills. There is a solution and growth of expansion in every so called bump that may arise. It is in the human aspect of us that having the understanding, becoming more self aware and in constant self-discovery is what truly makes the experience a beautiful and dynamic one. In essence it requires more effort, but that is with any true love relationship.

Dana:  It’s easier and a fuck ton harder.  I cannot even imagine what it’s like to be with me.  The poor guy cannot even have a moment of misaligned thought before I’m all “what’s the matter – no, you’re hiding from yourself – deal with it… DEAL WITH IT! Ok, fine, you don’t want to deal with it, let me tell you what you are dealing with and this will help you get your shit together.” I have had to learn to detach myself from his struggles energetically while remaining patient and supportive. And admittedly, there are a lot of times where I can see what he cannot and its easy to get frustrated quickly.  Sometimes, I need to remove myself from the situation and I am lucky he understands that. It’s also a lot easier because we can push each other at the right times and draw each other in with supportive, nurturing and genuine words of self-empowerment.

How do you help your partner when she is struggling as your partner vs struggling as an empath?

Valery:  When my partner is struggling as an empath,  being there and understanding of her first with compassionate listening while being gentle. She may just need to express herself verbally. She will express to me her truth and sometimes will take upon herself to seek solitude to rebalance on her own. At times, I just bring her in and hold her in my arms to help with balancing out whatever energies she may be experiencing.

When my partner is struggling as my partner, the same holds true. Being gentle, understanding, and allowing her the time and space that is needed by acting accordingly and proactively.

Dana:  When he is struggling as an Empath, it’s sort of fun for me (though that sounds so fucked up.)  I love and live to help other Empaths discover their self, their gifts, their balancing of it all.  When he struggles in this way its so easy for me to just tap into my own understanding of the Empath struggles and find a way to encourage him through becoming more self aware and targeting the struggle, learning to trust it and evolve from it, balance it.

When he is struggling as my partner, I have to be patient, genuine, compassionate and provide an environment that makes him feel comfortable diving into the depths of himself and articulating himself and his struggle with me in a trusting way.  I do most of the talking when he struggling as an Empath but I allow him to do all the talking when he is struggling as my partner.

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading Empaths in Romantic Relationships Part 1 & Part 2!

Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. – Bell Hooks

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