Both sides need to be expressed.
They both play a part in your own personal evolution, and your role in this lifetime. This tussle within you, this push and pull of energies… It’s not some kind of mistake. The first, only and most important thing you need to do is to accept that this is part of you.
Ok. This is who I am. This is how I work. There’s no point denying it, or fighting myself anymore.
I reached this point only when I had truly exhausted myself trying to control, fix and fight my temperament.
Acceptance means not wishing for a secret pill to make you ‘normal’ again. Acceptance means not ignoring yourself. Acceptance means no longer abandoning yourself.
You weren’t created to fit in.
If you’re living in a patriarchal society that’s very linear, structured (basically… almost anywhere in the world) – it’s completely natural for you to feel like there is something wrong with you. “Why can’t I stick to something for xyz time?” “Why doesn’t this interest me?” “Why can’t I just go, go, go and power through?”…
This feeling of wrongness, however, is NOT the truth.
It’s important to not see your trait in a negative light. I know, that may be a tough thing at first. It’s probably been confusing, exhausting, a journey that’s been full of self-doubt, and self-recrimination. I am still not exempt from those feelings. But with every bump and knock, I gain more insight into why we are the way we are, and why it’s not a mistake.
Because as important as it is to manage our own energy and understand our sensitive selves, it’s essential to not do so from a belief that you’re somehow broken. Any work you put towards getting to know your sensitive/sensation seeking self has a firmer foundation if it comes from a place of wanting to access your potential, and not about fixing yourself.
I also believe it’s equally important to place sensitivity in the context of what’s happening in the world today, to surface from our own day-to-day bubbles and to look at ourselves as individuals, living, working and loving in the greater tapestry of the Universe. One that, in modern times, has emphasized values that place ego over heart, scarcity over abundance, strife over love for way too long.
You are a healer.
Sensitive people are sensitized to pain, not because we are here to suffer, but because we are here to heal. It’s harder for us to ignore what hurts us – it takes a real, physical toll. It gets our attention. And so we have a choice – to stay in a position of victimhood, or to step up and to do the work of healing our own broken hearts. Healing our own wounds creates a ripple effect that affects your entire lineage, community, the Universe. You heal your piece of the world. Don’t underestimate the courage of your actions. It won’t be immediately apparent – but in doing so, not only will you FEEL better, you will start to see how your feeling better is very important to the world.
Because once we emerge from the other side, dropping the stories of our wounds, our ways of compassion, strength, empathy are so needed in this world.
I want to be careful to veer away from self-aggrandization. This is not about ‘saving the world’ – it’s about believing that being patient, and not abandoning yourself and who you are, DOES matter in the grand scheme of things.
You are a warrior.
Warrior energy comes in when you are ready to show the world what you do – whether it’s by simply showing up as your authentic self, pursuing your passions, starting your own business, plunging into your creative work, being a mother, a lover, a friend, a brother – while standing firm in your own self-worth. And doing so without shame, fear, or needing to hide who you truly are and what is in your heart.
This is when the HSS side of you steps up to the plate – when challenges turn you on, when you have the energy to go, do, and express. You have the ability to light up your world.
The way forward.
The most important thing about harnessing your temperament, as being both HSP and HSS, is not about darting off to follow every impulse fired off by your mind, but to let your heart guide the way. It’s about not letting your obstacles faze you, but to allow them to inform you and feel your way around them. It’s about not allowing those difficult rollercoaster moments to define you.
It’s about loving yourself, every step of the way. Even by making that first step towards self-acceptance, to sit patiently and lovingly with your self, slowly getting to know yourself – that is the most radical, brave, courageous and amazing thing you could do.
Next post: Some practical tips – Sanity for HSS/HSPs.