On those who do not allow themselves to feel


Most people do not slow down enough to even acknowledge their feelings, let alone fully allow themselves to fully feel them. They do not let their feelings ripen; they don’t let their feelings soften them. And in avoiding this task they reinforce a world where harshness rules. Hardness rules.

Feelings are irrelevant to the rush they get conquering and attempting to win. Conquering what? Winning what?

At the heart of it lies the desire to vanquish the ghosts of vulnerability forever. To gain mastery over the things that make them feel small, weak… human.

I recognize this person by the look they have in their eyes. Guarded and fearful under a veneer of self-assuredness. They are never there, never fully present. They are always trying to fix you, fix themselves, offer advice, move on to the next thing. They are anywhere but here.

For if they stay in one place too long they may be forced to sit, and stay, and to witness: witness the devastation that was wrought upon them once upon a time. The dreams they were forced to give up. The darkness they had to see, without anyone explaining to them that light is a choice. The heartbreak of not being seen, heard and understood. And how they too, were forced to move on, told to get over it. Told that it was no big deal. And while they were bleeding, someone said to them: That little thing? Stop whining. I bled too, and I got over it.

Soon it stopped bleeding.

Soon everything stopped bleeding. Blood had run cold. Soon everything stopped feeling like anything.

And so for you who feels, and who fought so hard to feel again, and who seeks to use your feelings as a connection to your soul and spirit: Do not offer up these feelings as sacrifice to those who would only feed on them for a temporary high. Do not let them cast you in the role of the weaker one. Do not expect reciprocation from someone who has long ago relegated their own feelings to the dungeons of their consciousness, for whatever reason.

Move out of their way so that instead of them getting their fix from you, probably the only person in their life who reminds them of something they used to feel… they could maybe reach that point where they finally have to sit. And stay. And witness.

If you feel up to it, you could say to them: “I notice you never talk about how you really feel.” “You don’t seem to allow yourself to feel.” “This seems to bother you more than you are allowing yourself to admit.”

See how they respond. If they respond in rage, anger, or defensiveness, then you know. They are not ready. You do not have to save them. You are not responsible for their feelings.

And in the meantime, it is wiser to stay out of the way.

Focus on feeling your own feelings and allow them to inform you, enrich you, soften you; widen your capacity to move towards that which brings you joy and peace, instead.

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