(image from Etsy)
The Empath’s Guide to Sex is a monthly series featuring the writings of Samantha Daveena, yogini and birth doula from Toronto, Canada. Sex, as a vital creative force in our lives, is a topic that’s ripe for discussion in practical, yet also energetic and spiritual terms. How are sex and sexuality different for the sensitive woman? How do we approach sexual health and manage our sexual exchanges in the spirit of self-care and self-love? Join us as we explore these topics and more…
I will always remember that episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte confessed that she had never seen her own vagina before, “up-close” with a mirror. I know there are still women who have yet to do so. If you’re one of those women reading this right now, STOP! (…And grab yourself a mirror)
From this point on, I am assuming that all of my female readers have seen their own bits. I hope that wasn’t so scary for you because we are going to be getting very familiar with our body in this series, beginning with the vagina and vulva.
Prior to becoming a birth doula I had never seen another vagina in real life. I had no idea how vastly different they could be. It is not uncommon in our culture for a girl to first see another vagina in pornography and naturally begin to compare with the only other one she knows – her own. Big Mistake!
We are all familiar with the criticism of the fashion industry for its use of image modification to sculpt women into of a narrow standard of beauty, and the porn industry is no different. Furthermore, if you haven’t heard of vaginoplasty, I highly recommend you watch the documentary “The Perfect Vagina”, (yikes!).
The truth is that vaginas are as unique as our own face. Its features, size, shape, colour are all different and are inherited through our family just like other physical traits. The vagina that you have is not weird or ugly, it is the evolutionary result of millions of women before you who have lived and died and birthed generations of other women. Even if you can’t quite grasp that picture, the awesome thing about vaginas is that they are nobody else’s business but your own anyway!
We don’t often talk about them and we definitely don’t often go around revealing them, but this doesn’t mean that there is anything to be ashamed of. In our species, the male genitalia is outwardly displayed, while the female organs are internal and protected, and as such, much of our sexual nature remains hidden and mysterious. I am not advocating for anyone to out and begin a life of exhibitionism, but rather create a quiet personal space for introspection, and contemplation of our feminine nature.
This is ultimately all about YOU. In this series we will be exploring our personal relationship to our bodies and sexual health. We will touch on the spiritual aspects of our sexuality and reproductive system, as well as on the management of our sexual exchanges. This is about self-care, and self-love. I believe the first step in that direction is to truly see ourselves as we are, without shame or fear. So stand (or crouch awkwardly) in front of that mirror, and take in what you see – knowing that you are part of a long heritage of creation and beauty in all its complexities.
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Samantha Daveena is a yogini and birth doula in Toronto, Canada. She is passionate about natural wellness and empowered womanhood. Samantha has studied and practiced as a holistic therapist, and brings much of her knowledge to her writing. She finds peace in drawing mandalas and dancing to oriental drum solos in her room. Visit her website & follow her on Instagram @sam.daveena.