In a new weekly feature, Dana of Empathic Translation will be sharing her views as well as practical tips on understanding and managing your sensitivity as an Empath.
Ok, so you have discovered you are a “Sensitive” – likely identifying yourself as an HSP or an Empath. What are you going to do now?
You are going to set some (very detailed) boundaries! I’m not talking about limiting yourself as a human being, I am talking about BOUNDARIES. This means drawing very clear lines which others ARE. NOT. TO. CROSS. And if they do – you have very clear cut, proactive strategies in place to keep yourself balanced.
Here’s the thing about those who are “Normal” (aka not the beautifully complex human beings that we are); they are NEEDY mother f-ers. And listen, I LOVE human beings, they are my favorite creature on this planet – but the truth hurts. And the truth about most human beings are that, they just don’t get it. Now, my hope is that at some point in your own self-discovery, you will understand the depths of what “it” is. Once you do, it gets easier to maintain balance within yourself as you remain completely detached from emotions and vibrational chaos that is not yours to feel responsible for.
Speaking of responsibility – YOU are your own responsibility. Once you understand this, boundaries are fairly easy to develop and to live by. Others laugh at me when I send them my “Boundaries Bible” because it is so detailed that it almost makes it seems like interacting with other humans is dangerous. Well, as an HSP/Empath, IT IS! This is why most of us are hot wired to run or to defend ourselves all the time – because we understand the inner fury of others and perceive even the slightest of angst within others as assaultive to our state of being. That is a fair reason to feel hyper-sensitive and fearful of your environment.
Basic psychology states that we only FEAR what we do not understand – and admittedly as an HSP or an Empath, we do not always understand the rationale behind what we are feeling, we just know it’s there. This would make anyone “insane.” Einstein says that “Insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result.” – so put those together and BOOM, boundaries will keep you SANE! (Did we all just have an Epiphany? An “a-hah” moment? No? Not yet? Ok, I’ll elaborate).
1) A definite place where YOUR responsibility for another person ends and their responsibility for themselves begins. A line clearly established where you stop doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves.
2) An agreement with yourself that stops you from feeling obligated to rescue someone from the consequences of their own destructive behaviors (which they need to experience to evolve themselves) and stops you from feeling guilty for the consequences someone experiences for the actions they’re taking.
Let’s revisit what I previously discussed about humans – They. Are. Needy. So guess what, they might not like it when boundaries are set. Be prepared that when you set boundaries, everyone who’s used to depending on you to carry their baggage, will automatically need to be treated like a 3-year-old having a temper tantrum when told they cannot have candy for dinner and soda in their sippy cup. Expect FULL BLOWN temper tantrums – but remember, inside, they are just children trying to understand and come to an understanding of the dynamics of healthy boundaries. Whether you are a parent or not, you know what it looks like to see children testing boundaries – they just whine and cry and flip out in an attempt to get their way. If this happens, make sure to understand their lack of respect for your boundaries is not YOUR problem – it’s THEIRS.
What do boundaries look like? I’m going to give you a few examples, but I encourage you to look on the internet and social media for “setting healthy boundaries” and depending on your current situation, create an actual typed out list of boundaries that you must revisit every day until they are so ingrained in your head you no longer have to. When I am off-balance with myself about situations, I still revisit this list and it helps me find clarity – after all I wrote the list because they meant something to me and ignoring it is disrespecting myself, which, is one of my boundaries – I refuse to be disrespected.
Here’s a few examples of boundaries – and considerations when making them. I want to explain that my boundaries list is 5 pages long… and consists of the following categories:
1) I will not react to others when they are:
2) I will completely remove someone from my everyday life, on a no contact basis when they:
3) I will not act in the following ways in an attempt to control others:
Healthy examples of boundaries empower you to:
1) Say “No” without guilt
2) Behave according to your own inner self validation – your own integral values and beliefs
3) Ask for exactly what you want/need
4) Ensure your actions, thoughts and feelings are yours and not under the influence of others
5) Love yourself first – without needing external validation from others and/or society
6) Feel safe and balanced and whole within yourself
7) Express your sensitive nature, your feelings, hurts, frustrations, happiness, with others without guilt
8) Detach yourself from situations that do not resonate with your soul or serve your highest self
9) Liberation from feeling responsible for others happiness
10) Seek to understand yourself, through your own self-discovery – to live in alignment with your highest self
Things to remember when setting boundaries:
1) You are allowed to set boundaries
2) You are allowed to remove anyone from your life that does not want to respect your boundaries
3) You do not owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries
4) You are completely responsible for your own happiness, your self-respect and the way others treat you
So. Take the time to set boundaries, allow yourself to evolve and grow and use this as an ever changing list that can be revisited often and updated according to your life situation. Invest the time in yourself to REALLY think about what you need in order to thrive, and which boundaries are key to keeping you on the path of total self-transformation and empowerment.
Feel free to reach out for more details! Remember, there is Freedom in Boundaries!