All relationships that aren’t an equal give-and-take will no longer fly in 2020. In the past, being locked into unequal power dynamics and drama triangles used to take ages to play out. For example, staying together for financial security; settling for a partner and denying oneself of true needs and desires; being friends with someone because you rely on them to feel better about yourself; being around someone out of guilt and obligation. It was pretty much the norm and in some paradigms, still is – but for many of us, it will become increasingly difficult to stay in these relationships without pain and discomfort.
Do a quick relationship audit:
- Are there any relationships that consistently leave you feeling drained, resentful, annoyed etc?
- What are some of the reasons/beliefs that keep bringing you back to this person?
- “We have been friends for years/we are (insert family member role) and this is what loyalty looks like.
- “I need validation from this person to feel good about myself.”
- “This person needs me to help them with their lives, if not, they will (insert unfavorable outcome).”
- What are you seeking from them/what are they seeking from you that they have neglected to give to themselves?
Remember, all of us are connected to Source. None of us have a monopoly on truth, healing, love, and peace. We are not here to be any one person’s battery source. When we feel like we need another to validate or see us, that is a sign we need to stop, and tend to where a wound is playing out again. We need to stop and see ourselves and give ourselves the affirmation we need.
You are worthy of equal, loving relationships. These relationships must be freely entered into; any party is free to leave at any time. (No matter what cultural programming dictates.)
Getting to the core of what holds a certain relationships together (usually a fear-based belief) will help you to unravel the knot. Stepping out of the transaction will allow you to see the true nature of the relationship – do they return because they care about you? Or do they stop coming round because they are no longer getting what they need from you? This only works if you do your part of the homework too: will you be around this person if you can no longer get what you want from them? What’s the fear that allowed you to hang on for all this time?
The ability to be unflinchingly honest with yourself is a practice. It takes ego strength to be able to look at yourself without breaking from the pain. It is worth it to free yourself and step more firmly into your power. But, if you are able to do so, the healing that takes place can be immense.
Relationships that are ready to evolve along with you will adjust.
Also, be compassionate with yourself during this process. Most of us don’t create these relationships on purpose; they usually arise out of an inaccurate belief about our own inadequacy. We falsely believe that another soul can offer us what we lack, when in actual fact we are whole and sovereign, and always connected to Source no matter what – and it is Source/Universe/All That Is that will bring us the places, things and opportunities we need to grow and evolve. This will be a year to take another step in freeing yourself from unequal and unfulfilling relationships.